The 9 Lessons of Social Dynamics

I've been preparing a series of posts that provided a lot of value and depth to my understanding of social dynamics.

Some are 100% my idea, others are from other people, and some are variations on things other people have spoken about.

Hell, one of them is a quote from Alfie (2004)!

So the posts are be called lessons, just because that's the way I have them saved up in my phone, as they came up in my life or in my head.

Here is the Index:

Lesson 1: You Should Never Answer a Question that Hasn't Been Asked
Lesson 2: The Value Other People Give to Your Actions is Proportional to the Value You Give Them Yourself.
Lesson 3: The Kiss LMR Destroyer Routine 
Lesson 4: You can't give what you don't have
Lesson 5: The Law of Conservation of Group Rational Attitude
Lesson 6: The Law of Emotional Transference
Lesson 7: The Law of Symbiosis
Lesson 8: Never expect any thanks in this life (Alfie)
Lesson 9: Time has more than one dimension

I hope you like them!

Jason.

Lesson 1

 

 

You should never answer a question that hasnt been asked.

I would like you to just read that sentence, and don't read forward just yet. read it and think about the full meaning of that sentence for a moment. Only then continue reading. This will help you give your own meaning to the sentence, and that deeper understanding cant be matched by any explanation.

It's quite obvious when you think about it, but it was a very important lesson in my journey.
Basically, if the other person did not show interest to know the answer to a question, do not answer.

But its not only about questions. Going back to investment, if the person you are talking to doesn't invest the time to ask something, and you answer never the less, you are lowering your value.
it extends to advice too. Let me give you an example:

Say you go out with friends, and one of your friends is trying to hook up with a girl, and you see him making a mistake. You really want to help him, because he's your friend. You can now do two things:

1) Don't follow the first lesson: go and say to him
-"Hey I saw you with that girl over there, dude you were moving too fast, she was getting uncomfortable"

To which he will probably tell you to fuck off and stop acting like an expert, or

2) Follow the first lesson: go and say to him:

- "Hey I saw you with that girl over there, how did it go?"
- "Not good bro I don't know what happened. did you see me?"
- "Yeah stuff was going well, but seeing it from an outside perspective I think I know what went wrong"
- "Really? what happened?"
- "I think you might have gone too fast."

(After this of course you need to fundament your accusation politely or nobody is going to take it seriously. It's advisable in this particular case to tell a story of how you messed up too and learned from that, so your friend doesn't feel like you are talking to him from a superiority position)

Another example:

The other day my brother commented something about how weird it was that if you touch the fire of a small candle quite fast, you don't get burned. I knew the reason why that happened, and my ego was pushing me forward to explain how it worked, just as a means to validate itself , but he didn't ask how it worked, he just made an observation, and I told him, I was about to tell you why that happens, but you didn't ask so i wont. He actually was relieved.

Me from before learning social dynamics would have explained it, and it would have bored him to death, because I'm into science and he's not. Knowing this simple lesson and how to apply it, I saved him from that bring explanation, and I saved myself from looking like I was showing off.

By the way, showing off sends everyone a very strong sign of how insecure you are. If you need to prove yourself to others, that means you use their approval to measure your success, and thats the very definition of a beta male.

So don't answer questions that hasn't been asked, you come off arrogant, full of shit, a show off, and not nice.

Learn that sometimes its better to shut up. Other times, it's better to provoque the question before stating your opinion.

hope this helps.

jason.